Adults at Play
What was your favourite type of play when you were a kid? Did you build tall lego towers, or draw maps to secret lands no one else knew about? Maybe you and your friends had a game of make-believe at recess, pretending you were animals, witches or basketball stars. When was the last time playing felt like that?
Playing in adulthood often takes on a different meaning for many of us. Some play sports and board games while others look to dance, cooking or sex. Regardless of what we do, play in adulthood isn’t often associated with the same degree of joy and freedom that it did when we were kids.
But having an experience of play in adulthood can help with processing experiences, and feeling validating without being focused on a goal (CAPT, 2024). When you truly play, your imagination, sense of fun, and ability to problem solve improves. Play can even provide healing in our relationships and increase our sense of intimacy (Robinson et al., 2024).
For folks with ADHD, play can offer an easy or accessible way to regulate dopamine levels in the brain, leading to better focus, motivation, persistence and satisfaction (Milliken, 2023).
When we play with someone else, perhaps we witness the spirit and genuine humanity of the other person, making the different dimensions of their identity more knowable to us. Most of all though, play is fun and offers us a source pleasure.
Play for adults can look like many things, from drama, writing, art making, playing in a group and joking (Milliken, 2023).
So, is it any different than just hanging out with friends? And if there are so many benefits of doing it, why don’t we do it more?
Perhaps one reason is that we experience play passively. For many, it seems to be something that happens organically in some situations but not others. It can feel like it is outside of us, arrives to visit, and then leaves again.
What if play is a transient state of being we can choose to engage with, rather than something we do.
When we reach adulthood we are met with deadlines and many structured tasks. We all have to-do lists and it can feel like we don’t have time for play.
But, perhaps you have heard someone described as “like a child” when an adult sincerely engages in play. And sincerity is truly the word for it. Something done with sincerity, involves the whole self. A way of being and behaving that matches our inner identity and truest values. We might say we “play” tennis, but if we engage with the sport primarily seeking to win, or to meet an objective, we might lose sight of the feeling of playing tennis: the feeling of the court under our feet, the sound the ball makes when it contacts with the racquet, how far we can jump to reach the ball as it sails through the air.
Your counsellor might involve types of play during a therapy session to elicit positive feelings from you, to help you process your feelings, improve your relationship to yourself or to help you see a troubling situation differently. But you certainly don’t need to be in a therapy room for play to be therapeutic.
Engaging in therapeutic play can be done during a time we set aside for ourselves to discover something new, thereby sidestepping the structured quality of goals.
Some qualities of sincere play to consider as we feel the feeling of play are:
Freedom. This might sound like: I am free to experience myself fully in this moment.
Timelessness. This might sound like: I am not contained by having to doing a task by a certain time. This moment is unlimited.
Connection. This might sound like: I am joyfully with another who is also feeling joyful. Sharing joy lets me know I belong.
Belonging. This might sound like: my worth is knowable to me when I play.
Identity. This might sound like: I can see different parts of who I am when I play.
So, how might you integrate sincere play into your life?
Here are a couple ideas to make it feel a little more doable:
Set aside time to do an activity you enjoy (even better if it is in your calendar or phone).
During the activity, ask yourself if you are playing sincerely or playing seriously.
Consider making the activity more accessible by finding something that takes only 5 minutes to begin. Examples of this might be:
Swinging on a swing that is in a park 1 block from your home,
Colouring in a colouring book you keep on your coffee table with a box of markers you keep in the same spot,
Singing a new song with a youtube karaoke video,
Keep some lego or blocks on-hand and build something.
When we integrate play into our lives we are happier, more flexible and more optimistic. Play can cost nothing, and give us a sense of reprieve from our everyday stressors. Where and when will your next grown up play date be? What might you discover about yourself when you play without limits? I hope you find the same zest you once had when you played your favourite childhood game and experience the joy and fulfillment it can bring. May your playtime flourish.
Warmly,
Evi
References
Canadian Association for Play Therapy (CAPT). (2024). https://canadianplaytherapy.com/training-class/play-therapy-with-adults/#:~:text=Play%20Therapy%20can%20assist%20adults,%2C%20insight%2C%20and%20improved%20communication
Robinson et al. (2024). The Importance of Adult Play. Help Guide. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/benefits-of-play-for-adults.htm
Milliken, K. (2023). The Perils of All Work, No Play. ADDitude. https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-fun-play-treatment/
