Compassionate Goal-Setting for 2024

It’s that time of year where things feel fresh. Many feel a renewed sense of hope for a possibility of positive change. 

Anything feels possible until, well, we forget, are feeling stressed, overwhelmed or just plain disengaged from the goal that recently felt exciting. Instead of re-evaluating the nature, timing or personal connection to their goals, many people stop setting them altogether. Let’s take a few minutes together to reconsider what it can look like to set meaningful and achievable personal goals.

First of all, let’s re-think what it means to stick to a goal. For many people this means doing something everyday and at 100% capacity, but this isn’t realistic for many of us. Sometimes we set the standard of “good enough” too high, and not because we are incapable or inadequate (we will talk about that in an upcoming blog post), but because consistently engaging in new behaviour is difficult. For those dealing with ADHD-related distractions, impulse control challenges and intense emotions, working on goals can feel especially hard. 

Another part of managing goal-related expectations is acknowledging that some failure is inevitable. Our society isn’t great at acknowledging failure as natural, and certainly not great at embracing the learning and growth that can come from it. When setting a goal, take a moment to acknowledge that failure is a sign that you are making strides toward growth and positive change. If the possibility of failure is acknowledged from the outset, you may be less likely to make it mean something about you when it does occur. To put it plainly, expect some failure and when it happens, see if you can catch yourself before you attach personal meaning to it. 

Next, set smaller goals. Small goals over time can create significant change, but it may not be as enticing to choose them. We are living in an era of instant gratification. We are bombarded by messages of more, faster, better and it can feel like we should all follow suit. But the truth of the matter is that a small goal once achieved makes excellent fuel for setting another. 

This next tip isn’t new, but it has stuck around because it works: get specific. Make your goal as tangible as possible. This might mean making a detailed description of what it would be like to reach it. Setting end-dates to goal periods can also be an especially helpful way to re-group and evaluate whether or not you were successful. Deciding on end-dates, marking them in your calendar and honouring them in some way may boost motivation and ingrain the practice of working toward something that is important to you.

Despite our best intentions, sometimes it simply isn’t the right time for new goals. To everything there is a season, and it is ok to have seasons in life that are less outwardly active. If you are experiencing a crisis, are grieving a loss or enduring other kinds of unusual stress in your life, it may be worth considering whether right now is a good time to attempt change. Give yourself space to sense what you need to get through this time. You might even mark a date on your calendar at which point you will revisit the goals you’re thinking of. Making the decision to have fewer things to attend to can be an important act of self-care during times of stress. You are no less worthy of a meaningful or satisfying life when you need time for rest, recover or live at a slower pace. If you are still feeling unsure, talking to a counsellor can help clarify what steps you might need to take to feel better about the year ahead. 

Lastly, set goals that are personally meaningful. Let’s face it, goal setting around the new year has been commercialized. Businesses have learned to commodify our insecurities, leading us to sometimes choose goals that are more about who we think we should be than who we are and what we are moving toward. Setting personally meaningful goals can sometimes require time to consider what we want in our lives for the short and the long term. 

Happy 2024 dear friends and strangers. Look back on the strides you made in 2023 and celebrate them. Dream big and little for 2024. You are smarter, more capable and more resilient than you think.

Love and warmth,

Evi